Lost part 2 ( mirror - sempurna dalam ketidaksempurnaan )

Aku melihat mu..
Banyak hal yang kini berubah dari dirimu..
Aku tak mengenal dirimu..
Kamu seakan berubah 180 derajat..

Secara fisik, mungkin sama..
Tapi aku melihat perbedaan yang cukup jauh didalam sana..
Jiwamu.

Sorotan matamu kosong ..
Senyuman yang dulu singgah setiap saatnya, kini hanya sebuah memori di ingatan yang pernah melihatnya..
Kecerian itu seolah telah direnggut darimu..

Diam..
Menangis..
Adalah hal yang selalu kamu lakukan..
Berpura - pura semua baik baik saja..
Adalah sebuah keharusan yang kamu jalani setiap harinya..

Keramaian membuat mu gusar,
Kenyamanan akan kehangatan keluarga kini Bagai duri jemari yang perlahan tapi pasti terus menyakiti..

Hey hey, -bisik suara hati ketika kamu menatap wajah lesu di pancaran kaca-
Tersenyumlaaah... -sembari mempraktikan dan membuat gerakan tangan melengkungkan bibir itu-

*tetiba, airmata pun terjatuh*

Kamu menangis (lagi) dengan tersedu sedunya. Aku bingung, diriku mencoba untuk membuat mu bahagia dengan dirimu sendiri. Mencoba untuk menyadarkan bahwa kamu sempurna dalam ketidaksempurnaan yang tuhan berikan. Yaa walau aku tahu, diluar sana banyak sekali hal hal dan perilaku mereka yang sangat kejam dan membuatmu patah serta hancur berkeping keping. Tapi, lihat lah dirimu :).

12th October

Good night everyone. Welcome again in my blog. My place to share word by word to you guys :D.

First of all, yes.! Today was my born day. And it's still the day, Happy birthday for me!!!. How happy I am and ofcourse getting older haha.

There is so many thing that happens in my life. Sweet things, bad things.
But god always knew, when I can do or when I can't do what he trying to me to go through. He gave me the power to crush off it.

And through this post, I want to say,
Thanks a lot to God. I'm so blessed. Without him I can't be here and be what I am supposed to be.
Thanks to all my family that He gave to me.. The strange family. But I do love them. Especially my grandma, my lovely beloved grandma.
Thank you for helping me, caring of me. You have been like a mother for us, more than that. And I can't saying a word that can describe of you. You are everything ? Much more that I think.
My beloved dad, l'm still your little girl, am I ? I'm sorry for all the bad thing that happened. I didn't meant it. You dont know that how much I loved you, and I know that inversely thing that I do. But, deep in my heart.. I loved you so much!.
My the one and only brother in the house, well I can't saying the word haha, I just love you. And thank you for the gift. I'm Lil bit surprising haha.
For the other family, thanks for the words, for supporting me, for the prayers. Thank you and love you too.
To My dear friends, that I can't saying one by one, thank you have remembered my day, your words mean something for me. Thank you so much.

And I want to say sorry too. This is my born day. My day for introspection my behavior. Time to grow up, be a woman with great attitude, still down to earth, and be a wise. It's not easy but I will try my best.

So once again, thank you for all of you. Wish this day was the door to gets the new better of me.

I know I'm not perfect..
We are no perfect, no one does. But at least we try for the best. :)

Letter to you

Dear You..

Someone who makes me smile,
Someone that can makes my heart beat fast in one time,
Someone who gave a shine on, when my head full of dark clouds.

Someone who can let my dreams always on.
Dreaming all about my life could be together with you.

But sometimes, can be my mood makers too.
Cheer me up and get me down.

Your smile,
Were rarely seen. Yeah rarely.
Your eye gaze,
I felt something in there, something that I can't explain what is it.
your serious face,
That makes me fascinated.
Your flat face,
That makes me keep my mouth shut.
And...
Your back side..

And there is often that I saw on you.
When so lucky I am can seeing you at that moment, even just for a moment.
It felt good enough to me.
Although the deepest in my heart said otherwise after i got that feeling.

Sometimes,
the feeling is so strong,
So optimistic,
That I can be with you..

But sometimes,
I feels, the feeling is so wrong. How stupid I am.
And suddenly, my logic take over my thought.

Someday, I ever try to ignore the feeling.
I talked to myself,  a lot.
I had to stopped it.
Stop to dreaming of you to be mine, stop to over thinking about you.
It's never gonna happen, me and you. 

But in the other side,
I'm really, really wants to be with you. So much, much, much more.

*what kind of thought ? *plak*.

*awry* .
Pathetic.

And now,
I can't do both of,

Waiting..
It means I just sitting down and see, what is going to be.
*(I mean really ? Just waiting ?)*
*are you have a mind ?*

sorry, that was my evil side who said so.
next,

or,

Take a movement,
That it means, go, talk to you.

(* for number two, I bet that would never never, and ever, gonna happen. *)

And, finally.. Like I said, I can't and I won't, do the both of them.

I Just can, let it be. And think clearly.

Don't think too much, because it can be so painful if it's not to be as what as you wants to be, isn't it ?
And, don't think too less, because..
Nothing is impossible. Everything can be out of your mind. Can be worst,  and can be good, right ?

It's all depends on God, and absolutely ourself too.
I believe there is connected. .

So.....
Dear you,
Hai.

Lost part 1

Begok, tolol, gak punya otak ! < - kata - kata yang selalu gue ucapin ke "lo". Gue selalu ngehina lo, nunjuk - nunjuk diri lo.. Bahkan gak tega gue nampar dan nonjok muka lo yang udah bersimbah air mata.

Gue heran dengan orang yang selalu menganggap lo itu penting. karena buat gue lo tuh sampah yang cuma bisa ngerepotin orang doang !. Banyak kok orang yang sependapat dengan gue. Apa perlu gue sebutin ? apa lo buta ?. Perlakuan - perlakuan yang mereka buat ke lo ? Caci maki.. perlakuan yang kasar.. atau pun perkataan yang lembut tapi menusuk di hati lo ??

Yang lebih herannya buat gue.. kenapa lo diam ? kenapa lo terima diperlakukan seperti itu ? kemana mata lo ? pikiran lo ?
mungkin kemarin - kemarin lo bilang karena masih bergantung sama mereka.... Tapi sekarang ?
Jawab pertanyaan gue .. Sampai kapan ? SAMPAI KAPAN MAU DI HINA, DIRENDAHIN, DIREMEHKAN ? Jangan hanya karena sumpah serapah dari orang yang satu itu lo jadi terpuruk ! Lo jadi nyalahin diri lo ! Wake up !!

"aku gak bisa",
What the fucking hell ??

Emang gak mudah, mulai dari awal tanpa siapa - siapa. Tapi apa salahnya mencoba ?

( and then ......... i see you smile :) )

hapus air mata lo.. Gak guna lo menangis tanpa berbuat apa apa..
Berdo'a salah satu jalan yang bisa lo lakukan..
Dan yang paling penting, keinginan lo buat berubah. Dan serahin semuanya kepada Tuhan :).



(................) *hening



Emm, Makasih :') .
Lo memang ngertiin gue banget :') ..

Thanks to God I have you :) ..

and ... thanks a lot to you....... "mirror" :) .